The Annoyed Army

Some of you with good memories might recall that eight months ago, I posted in Mimi’s Forum about my friend Pam, whose 25 year old son Matthew (Matty) had been killed in a tragic car crash. Matty and his friends in the car that night were all seminary students in Illinois; the friend who was driving the car was drunk.

I have watched Pam in the past eight months as she has dealt with her profound grief over the sudden loss of her son, and marveled at how she has been a source of strength and inspiration to all of us. I wondered how I could ever have survived such a tragedy in my life, and not gone insane with grief. Pam, like her son Matty, had a strong faith, and knew there must be a reason why God called her son home before he barely had a chance to live his life. I marveled at her sweet spirit and her trust in God.

But I had no idea to what depth she would go in living her faith.

The young man who was driving the car was charged with drunk driving and negligent homocide. He faced a prison term for his actions that one unfortunate night.

In the early spring, he came to Kansas to meet Pam and the other mother whose son was killed. 

As he tells the story, he came to apologize and to beg for their forgiveness. 

But he never got the chance. 

The minute he walked into the room, Pam and the other mother took him in their arms and told him they forgave him. Pam said her reaction was just like any mother would have: she wanted to hug the young man, even though he was responsible for her son’s death.

I have thought about the gift they gave that young man. To lift his burden of guilt in an instant of forgiveness. I wondered if I could have acted with grace like that.

There was another hurdle recently, a hearing in a courtroom in Illinois, where the driver of the car was to stand before a judge and face his punishment for his responsibility in the death of his two friends.

Pam and the other mother traveled to Illinois for the hearing. They had been told they would be asked to make a statement as the mothers of the deceased victims. They could have recommended strong punishment and a maximum prison sentence for the young man who was driving the car, and their request would have carried great weight.

When she stood before the judge, Pam read her statement which she had shared with no one up until that moment. She told the judge that her son Matty would never have wanted one of his friends to go to prison. She said Matty’s life was about serving God and helping people and loving his friends. She said she knew that in the course of the coming years, she would see why God’s plan for Matty was to bring him Home to heaven at such an young age. She said she knew that one of the first things she could do that Matty would have wanted was to ask the judge for mercy for the young man who drove the car that night. She asked the judge for a suspended sentence.

Until that moment, she did not know what the other mother was going to read in her statement . But …. she said nearly the very same things that Pam read and she asked for the same thing Pam asked for: a suspended sentence.

The judge granted their wish.

On Sunday, Mother’s Day, the story of these two extraordinary mothers was on the front page of the Kansas City Star. It is a story of loss turned to victory. In losing her own son, Pam was able to help another young man have a future.

I saw Pam last night at a dinner out with our friends. I told her how much reading that story in the newspaper touched my heart, and surely touched many people in the Kansas City area on Sunday. 

I love Pam and Matty’s story. It is a story of love and forgiveness and goodness.

I am glad she is my friend.

I wish her peace.